Have you been crisscrossing Grace?

I kept crisscrossing God’s grace for years without recognizing it for what it was.
I didn’t believe God cared.
I believed in bootstrapping effort.
I believed in coincidental circumstances.
I believed in a world where abandonment and rejection was the rule not the exception.
But a God of loving grace?
I couldn’t relate to the concept.
Too many things had happened. Bad things. Unfair stuff, that left me believing that the only one I could really count on in this life, was me.
Which meant I was in real trouble!
It was only after I returned to God (very reluctantly I might add) but still a returnee trying to figure this “God-thing” out, that I realized and started recognizing that Grace had been crisscrossing my life for quite some time.
I just hadn’t had the trusting eyes I needed to see it.