Are we there yet God? Have we finally found it…
(Am I done falling?)
It feels like I’ve finally found the cement—no further to fall…
Yes, Rock bottom.
Can it be?
Oh God, I hope so.
The sages say when you find rock-bottom the only way is up.
Oh, God… what would “up” look like?
This hole is so deep—my pain now my constant companion.
Up? On what planet does the “up-life” live?
I thought arriving in this vineyard was finding my inevitable rock-bottom… nope.
- I thought, the 1st year, 2nd year, 3rd year… nope.
- Facing the loss, the pain, the grief, the abandonment—nope!
- Walking away from You.
- Yep! Stony-cold-dark-rock-bottom… when I started hating You.
I used to think that it was impossible for a “Christian” to hate God.
Impossible! Unthinkable treason!
(You and I know different.)
No lies between us—nope.
That was our deal. Our contract.
No phony, plastic, posturing… nope.
No matter how ugly the truth, no matter how hard rock-bottom…
Face-to-face, heart-to-heart, no bull, no blarney… right?
So here we are God.
I’m in this vineyard of graves and fruitless vines; led here by You… and I’ve finally said it.
I hate You for bringing me here…
leaving me here…
for only God knows what purpose!
(No bull in that.)
The DREAM-MAKER’S Promise:
“My voice You shall hear in the morning, O LORD; In the morning I will direct it to You, And I will look up.” Psalm 5:3 NKJV
The Caterpillar’s Prayer:
Father, I’ve only this, “…the tax collector, standing afar off, would not so much as raise his eyes to heaven, but beat his breast, saying, ‘God, be merciful to me a sinner!'” [Luke 18:13 NKJV]