Oh, God! When did I stop believing this?
“The tumblers will click someday.”
(I used to believe.)
I used to think, “One day, some day, some way—He’ll come. You would come!”
You’d spin the dial on the padlocks in my life and I would be free!
When did it happen?
I just stopped.
I stopped looking for You.
I stopped expecting things to change.
I’m looking back over my shoulder trying to see the day or the moment when my hope turned to stone.
Now I stare at my cell and my locks and I feel nothing at all.
It just stopped.
It all stopped working for me.
All the songs, all the sermons; people of faith look like aliens to me now.
Two-headed creatures from another planet!
I know You promised God.
My head knows.
But, my heart?
It’s over there, in the corner of my soul, curled into the fetal position, still… mute… cold.
How did this happen?
I should weep or wail.
I should be terrified, or furious, shouldn’t I?
My heart is on life support.
My hope is D.O.A.
I don’t feel anything at all, except… curious.
When did I stop believing God?
The DREAM-MAKER’S Promise:
“And it will be said in that day: ‘Behold, this is our God; We have waited for Him, and He will save us, This is the LORD; We have waited for Him; We will be glad and rejoice in His salvation.'” Isaiah 25:9 NKJV
The Caterpillar’s Prayer:
God? What good is church to one who no longer believes?
I can’t relate to those people God. (You know I can’t.) What am I supposed to do? Lie? Fake it? I hate that stuff! (And so do You!)
The only Believer I can relate to now is that honest-heart from so long ago. (You know the one.) His cry is mine as well: “LORD… help my unbelief!” Mark 9:24